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A Letter for all of the Chivas USA Haters

Are you sure you don't actually love the Goats?

Admit it: you fear the Goat.
Admit it: you fear the Goat.
Stephen Dunn

Dear Hater of Chivas USA,

Here's a few signs that you are a Chivas USA hater (or a closet fan):
-If you are a "soccer journalist" and haven't written about Chivas USA prior to Jorge Vergara taking over or Chelis becoming the coach, then you are a hater. Why? You have an agenda to dissuade people becoming interested in our club. OR The fact that you wrote about our Goats shows that you are a fan deep down inside. The truth hurts. Join the Flock.

-If you post on big soccer, facebook, or twitter making the typical offensive, rude, or snarky remarks about our Goats, then you are a hater. It's obvious you hate to see underdogs succeed in America. OR You might be a closet fan because after all, its a thin line between love and hate.

-If in the past you have said "Chivas USA should move to....." its because you WANT Chivas USA to move to YOUR CITY. You are a closet fan. Sorry. OR You really hate Chivas USA because they WON'T move to YOUR CITY in spite of what Vergara said about Chivas USA not moving anywhere. Hater.

-If in the past you have said, "They should rebrand!" It's because you hate saying "Chivas" which means you hate speaking Spanish. Which means you couldn't hook up with the hot Spanish-speaking girls or boys in Spanish class. You're a language hater because they all went for the goofy guy or gal with the Mexi mullet. You have issues. You are a hater. OR You are a closet fan because deep down inside you want to "rebrand" yourself and want everyone to feel comfortable doing it! We accept you hermano/a chivo, regardless of your "brand". #Chivalove

-If you are butthurt about David Beckham leaving or Landon Donovan moving on, you NEED Chivas USA so that you can feel better about your pathetic, miserable self. This makes you a certified hater. OR Then again, just like calling up an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend for a "date", you really crave to be wanted. Thus, you are a closet fan. Still pathetic, but a fan.

-If you like using terms like "fake Chivas", "Chivas lite", or "not the real Chivas", then you are a hater who likes labels. The same kind of labels that keeps intolerant people ignorant and allows them spit hate. Sorry, the truth hurts. OR Just like those who publicly hate rap music (for example) with a passion, sometimes tend to listen to it in secret, you're just living in denial. Once again, you may be a closet fan. No offense.

So, if you find yourself talking sh*t about Chivas USA again, think about it.

The more you hate us, the more you might actually love us.


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